Welcome to the jungle

I generally have pretty good luck with plants (they key: do not overwater. Leave them a little hungry. We used to live in the same building as a horticulturist who gave us a tree and instructed us to neglect the thing as much as possible -- it's been about 13 years and we still have it. Proof that he was right, and that we're damned good at neglect!).
But the
orchids I have, all gifts still vaguely among the living, seem less happy. We have one that's 8 years old -- a gift from my mother called a Phalaenopsis (they look like this when in bloom -- and stay like this for at least an astonishing month or more), but it hasn't bloomed in over a year, and it's down to a couple of fairly pathetic-looking leaves. I literally put about a teaspoon of water on the thing, because its been living in a pot with no hole in the bottom -- if plants are not fond of watering, orchids are the Buddhist monks of watering. They want the water equivalent of one change of clothing, a towel and a razor. A couple of weeks ago I found myself at a swell nursery standing between Steven, a beautiful pot meant for an orchid and an eager gentle
man from the nursery offering help, so I finally admitted my ignorance and got schooled.It's a miracle, the gentleman began, that I haven't yet killed my orchids. Well there's a promising start. You mean that fertilizer I've been using (Schultz 10-15-10 with urea nitrogen - like magic on houseplants) could kill the little guys? Oh. Er. Blue 20-10-20 urea-free is a good overall orchid fertilizer, he explains. But what about the cool orchid pot? What do I put in there? Bark, he tells me. Oh. Those are air roots? Oh. By now I look like a bobbing dog on a car dashboard. Whatever you say, buddy, I'm buying buddy. Yeah, hand me that. And that. And that. I will repent and become an orchid grower, not an orchid killer! Then he popped me on the forehead with his palm and I fell into Steven's loving arms as he whipped out his credit card and I was cured! Cured of this orchid scourge despite the fact that we'd come for plants for the front yard!
When we get home with two new orchid pots, bark and the fertilizer (and Steven wisely acting game as usual), I got right to
work. If you've never seen a naked orchid, it ain't pretty. They're pretty much leaves and....a couple of long roots. They're little freaks. So I replanted them, and then felt sorry for my best orchid. What was I thinking? I went back and got yet another pot for that one. The roots were firmly wrapped around some foam peanuts I'd used to keep the thing dry. How very green of me.So I stuck them all in special fabulous orchid bark, flooded them with water, then flooded them with some of the parmesan-cheesy wacky blue crap, and they seem...happy. Once a week flood them and then leave them alone living on moist bark and air. If they get flowers, I'll jump up and down and take pictures and put them up here. In...October or so!
Labels: Orchids









